Sunday, September 11, 2011

Is it OK if I blame Anna Wintour?

After all, it’s her damn fault that the covers of fashion magazines have been overtaken by so many Hollywood celebrities that the distinction between model and celeb wannabe has become disgustingly blurred. And what’s with her decision to give Sarah Jessica Horseface Parker so many damn Vogue covers? What part of that sadly unattractive woman is supposed to be inspiration to either dress like her or (God forbid) look like her?

So it is with some delight that I have come to the conclusion that it must be Anna Wintour’s damn fault that Federer lost that match yesterday to Djokovic. I know that my thinking in this matter is entirely irrational. Or is it? Am I the only one who’s noticed that, as she ages, Wintour has started looking increasingly like a witch? Have you seen that hooked nose? And doesn’t her severe bob look as if it could have been carved from a straw broom?

Really Wintour’s constant hovering in the Federer box can only be described as bad ju ju. And it seems to be hampering his tennis success. She seems to always be present for those matches when Federer starts off winning and then inexplicably loses. Indeed Federer has been wearing this Wintour millstone for some years. Apparently he finds it an honor that she has chosen to fly into and land in his private box. What do you think it’s gonna take for him to realize that the quality of his tennis may be affected by the contents of his entourage?

Of course Federer was much kinder than I am being in his post-match interview. He actually held himself accountable for this inexplicable loss to Djokovic. Let me let him speak for himself:

“It's awkward having to explain this loss because I feel like I should be doing the other press conference. But it’s what it is. It’s the obvious, really. He came back; he played well. I didn’t play so well at the very end. Sure, it’s disappointing, but I have only myself to blame. I set it all up perfect, but I couldn’t finish it.

“That’s why we all watch sports, isn’t it? Because we don’t know the outcome and everybody has a chance, and until the very moment it can still turn. That’s what we love about the sport, but it’s also very cruel and tough sometimes. It got me today. It hurts, but it’s fine. Could be worse. It could be a final.”

See, no mention of Anna Wintour. No mention of her blood-sucking presence that has taken up a permanent spot in his box. No mention of the negative karma sewn into the clothes she selects for and dresses him in. No talk at all about her witch-like energy and how it seems to cast a negative spell over Federer, always as he is about to win.

I know that I'm probably sounding ridiculous. But think for a moment about the impact of the Wintour presence. Has she ever been absent when Federer managed to wrench a tennis defeat out of the jaws of success? (I rest my case your honor.) Really it has become increasingly clear that if Federer has any serious intentions of winning another Slam, he has to have the courage to change the membership of his entourage – starting with canceling Anna Wintour’s season tickets.

Of course I am being entirely irrational. In truth, Federer has no excuse for yesterday’s loss to Novak Djokovic. Yes I have been the first to admit that Djokovic has gone from a good tennis player to a great champion. But Federer was the one to stop him at Roland Garros. Roger knows how to beat Novak. Roger was up two sets to none. All he had to do was win one more. And that turned out to be the impossible dream.

All I could do afterwards was tweet thanks that at least he didn’t cry. At least not for us to see. If Mirka had to comfort him on her ample bosom last night, that is between the two of them. Hopefully Anna Wintour had the decency to excuse herself and give them some privacy.


happygeek said...

LOL!!!! very funny post!!

Karen said...

I blame Pete Sampras, Annacone, Wintour, the ATP, the USTA, the weather, whatever works and whatever comes into my stream of consciousness, or is unconsciousness. Tough loss this one, but hey, this is why we play sport.

tennischick said...

That witch needs to get out of his damn box. Why doesn't she stick to picking on Kanye?