Friday, June 17, 2011

Mattek-Sands trying to be Tennis’ Lady Gaga?

There is no question that Lady Gaga (birth name Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta) is a talented entertainer. She composes catchy songs, even if they are sometimes a bit derivative. She plays the piano with scintillation. And she performs so provocatively that you find yourself looking at her just to see what she will get up to next. She surrounds herself with so much pomp and circumstance that it is easy to miss that there is real talent there.

This may be because most of the time when entertainers go to such lengths to be provocative, it is usually because they are using their flair to mask an absence of talent. Madonna is not a good singer; neither is Britney Spears. Both women use gaudy stage performances to mask this fact. People get so caught up in the spectacle that they may not even realize that the performer on stage cannot even carry a tune.

But Lady Gaga does not need to hide behind theatrics. Yet she does, which can only mean that the theatrics serve a purpose. I believe that they are a mask that she hides behind. It seems somewhat contradictory that someone would use such visible displays as a means of concealment, but that may be the purpose that such self-exhibitions serve. So what exactly is Lady Gaga hiding?

My personal opinion is that she is distracting everyone from her sheer lack of attractiveness. By walking around practically undressed, Lady Gaga accomplishes two things. She draws attention away from her unfortunate face. And she puts to rest those unfair and persistent rumors that she is a hermaphrodite. In one fell swoop she markets herself as a sexy woman while distracting us all from the fact that she actually is not – not with those pancake breasts and that clownish face. But mission accomplished, no?

I have often wondered what exactly Mattek-Sands may be similarly trying to conceal with her loud, provocative, age-inappropriate tennis fashion stylings. When Serena dressed like a member of the Cameroon football team some years ago, I had no problem with it. Serena was then just 20, an age when such fashion experimentation is to be expected. That was the same year of the cat-suit. But Serena has not worn either outfit since. And if she decided to wear the cat-suit as an almost 30 year old woman, I would be disappointed. I’m not saying that 30 year old women cannot or do not experiment with fashion. Of course they do. But the manner of  experimentation is expected to mature along with the individual.

Bethanie Mattek-Sands, at 26, in my opinion is becoming a bit long in the tooth for some of her fashion stunts. I never really minded the basketball shoes, the crochet outfits, or the silly under eye black stripes. At 26 she is kind of pushing it but some will believe that she is still be within the window of acceptance for such experimentation and provocation.

But there is no excuse on earth for showing up at a formal pre-Wimbledon event wearing an ugly tennis dress. The dress, if such it can be called, is poorly designed, stupid in concept, ugly, misshapen, unattractive, and unfashionable. What exactly is she trying to prove? That she is a teenager at heart? That she can provoke the reserved All England tennis establishment? That she is a rebel with no fricking cause?

I don’t know what Mattek-Sands’ agenda is but I stand by my theory that, like Gaga and Madonna and the far more unfortunate Spears, Mattek-Sands may be trying to hide something about herself. All of this attention-seeking has as its sad underbelly the possibility of intentional concealment.

Is she unhappy in her marriage? Does she have poor self-esteem? Is she terrified of aging? Or is she truly buying into her own silly hype and believing that her fashion statements are funny or attractive? If so, I have news for you Bethanie. You need to get a couple of really good girlfriends – the kind that will tell you to your face to take that stupid dress off because you look like an ass.


TennisAce said...

I can tell you what she is trying to hide...her lack of tennis talent. She is 26 years old, has never won a singles title, is basically struggling to even win doubles tourneys with Shaughnessy and in order to remain relevant, she dresses in these very awful outfits, black eye-liner and struts around the court as if she is the cat's pyjamas. Her tennis is meh at best and frankly if she worked on her game, I think she would be a pretty good journeywoman who could perhaps win a title or 2. She has no idea how to construct points and looks ridiculous at times. Still trying to figure out how she made the WTA Hot Shots feature.

TennisAce said...

Like I said, more time on the tennis court practising, less time trying to be something that you are not. BMS goes out in the 1st round of Wimbledon. Even worse, her outfit look atrocious. I have no idea what she is trying to prove, but whatever it is, it is not working

tennischick said...

How fitting that the letters BMS stand for bowel movements.

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